Revenge Is Sweet
by Daisukeismyboyfriend
Summary: A crackfic involving much embarrassing moments, awkward questions and Near in leather. Yeah, I went there. Rated T because I rate things T.


I looked up, panting, from my new position on the floor

I looked up, panting, from my new position on the floor. "What the hell was that for, Near?!" I yelled.

Near just stared at me, my loose jeans nearly falling off my hips, my ripped t-shirt, my bare feet, my disheveled long blonde hair. He said nothing, which was typical.

"Would you just frickin' SAY something?!"

Silence. Okay. This was getting on my nerves. With a roar, I leaped up and tackled him to the ground, ripping his pyjama top in the process of pinning him. "What. Was. That. Punch. For."

"…You broke my Megatron," he said, trying to sit up and rub his head, but I held him down.

"What 'Megatron' are we talking about?" I asked, jabbing him in the ribs with one hand.

"The one with the red glowing LED eyes," he replied, looking me straight in the eyes with his unnerving gaze. "Let me up."

I obliged, and he sat up rubbing his head. "Near, if you're ever going to beat me up again, have a reason for it, and tell me beforehand." And with that, I walked off to annoy Matt.

--

Mello walked off in a huff, and I sighed. He'd ripped my last clean top. And laundry wasn't going to be done until next Monday…I was in trouble.

So I formulated a plan to get my revenge.

Twirling my hair with one finger, I tiptoed into Matt and Mello's room and peeked into the dresser. There was a pile of stripy shirts- Matt's- a pile of black jeans-Mello's- and a black leather jacket. No dice.

So I looked under their bed and was rewarded by finding a tight leather shirt. I took off my pyjama top and swapped it with Mello's shirt. It was tight, unwieldy, and hard to put on, but I managed to.

But now my pants looked funny.

I raided their dresser and put on a pair of Mello's jeans, which hung off of me. Hoicking them up with one hand, I dug through the pile of laundry on the floor until I found one of their belts.

Mission complete, I looked in the mirror…

…and was aware of a very…er…_excited_ Matt staring at me from behind.

--

Damn.

Near in Mello's clothes was _hawt._

He turned around, somewhat red in the face, and asked, "What are you doing?"

"Looking at you," I answered bluntly.

He blushed even more, which just made him even more cute.

"Matt, could you…er…leave…for a moment?"

There was no way I was going to let him weasel out of this. "Nope." I replied, just as sweetly. Okay, maybe not _quite_ so much…

"Er…"

"Don't worry, Near…" I said in my best 'taming scared animal' voice. Apparently it didn't work, because he fainted dead on the floor with a thunk.

Oh, great.

This was just fantastic.

Note the sarcasm.

I lugged his limp form up to my bed, grabbed a glass from the bedside table, filled it with water from the bathroom, and splashed his face. He woke up spluttering. "Ma-Matt?!"

"You passed out for some reason." I stated bluntly, sitting down on Mello's bed.

"Oh…It must be anemia…" he mumbled.

"Anemia? Have you eaten in the last couple of days?"

"…no…"

I grabbed his arm and forcibly pulled him to the kitchen. "Hey, cook lady!" I yelled to the chef, who was busy stirring a pot of some mystery liquid. She looked up.

"What d'you want?"

"Can I have some food for my friend? He's really hungry."

"Near…okay, fine. He hasn't been to too many meals, has he?"

"Nope…" I looked over at Near, who was shivering somewhat in Mello's sleeveless leather shirt.

I took the bowl she offered me, grabbed Near's arm again, and led him out to the playroom, where his favorite blank puzzle was waiting. He ran over to it. "Here," I said, setting the bowl of soup beside him. "You've gotta eat."

He looked up at me with those deep soulless eyes of his, like twin pools of black, and nodded silently.

"I'm going to go get Mello. See ya in a while." And with that gallant line, I was off to find my golden-haired compadre.

--

I looked down at the soup Matt had brought me, cautiously brought the spoon to my lips, and took a sip. It was tomato, my favorite, but I had no appetite, like I'd been feeling for the last three days. I ate soundlessly, the only noise in the room being the quiet swoosh of the fan above.

That is, until Mello barged into the room, followed closely by Matt.

"WHAT THE HELL? Why are you wearing my frickin' clothes?!"

"You ripped mine."

"Soooo?!"

I sighed. Mello had the thickest skull I knew. "Laundry day's not till next week, and those were my only clean pyjamas."

"Well then wear something else. Don't you have anything?"

I silently shook my head no.

Matt whispered something to Mello, who immediately turned bright red. "Eh…you can wear those. I…have to go to…thebathroom!" and with that he waddled out of the room. I watched him quizzically.

"Why was he waddling?" I asked Matt, who blushed and refused to tell me.

--

Matt has a dirty mind.

--

Mello has a very…active…imagination.

And Near is extraordinarily innocent.

--

Matt is rude.

And Mello walks funny when he goes to the bathroom.

--

I finished my…ehem, business, and walked back to my room, where I found Near's pyjamas in a small bundle on the floor. I picked up his shirt, and sure enough, it was ripped right down the side, under the arm. I grabbed a couple of Matt's sweaters (the stripy ones) and raided some jeans out of the closet. Luckily Near hadn't found the closet.

They were talking when I got back to the playroom, and I threw down the clothes at Near's feet.

"What?" he asked.

"They're for you. Since, you know, there's nothing else for you to wear."

"…Thank you." He gathered up the clothes in a bundle and clumsily walked to the door, paused, and turned. "And thank you, too, Matt. For the soup."

As soon as he left, Matt and I shared a glance. "Bathroom!"

--

I caught sight of Matt and Mello waddling in the direction of the bathroom. Strange…

--

**Just something weird I wrote on a lark.**


End file.
